You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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