Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
