You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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