my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
