Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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