her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my shit smells like andre
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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