my phone cant type all the emotion im having
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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