It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
