Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize