finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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