I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
