Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
