I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize