we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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