I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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