Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
