I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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