Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
