Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
