I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize