Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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