so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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