im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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