The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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