one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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