Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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