Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
