My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
