Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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