K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Lo siento on account of my penis...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
