I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
