Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
