She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
