Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
