What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
