My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
