how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
