he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
