He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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