My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
