I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
