these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
