loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In America we eat man semen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
