apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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