By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
