There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
