I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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