I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
