So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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