what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
