omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
