Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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