Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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