guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
