you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dicks are not precious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
