I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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