Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
