Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
