Kiss
Puke
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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