I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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