you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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